COLLARDS

Steps:

• Remove the tougher, woody stalks from the collard leaves. Smaller stems are okay. Wash the leaves and cut them into half-inch-wide strips. You can roll them into cigars to speed this up.
• Put the bacon in a stock pot on high head to render its grease, 3 or so minutes. Add the onion and cook until translucent but not brown, about 5 minutes more. Add the collards and cover with cool water. Add the red pepper, salt, and the ham bone. Bring to a boil and cook for at least 2 hours. There are many conflicting opinions on this. To my mind, collards were not made for quick cooking. Undercook collards and you are asking to be strangled; they can't be properly chewed. On the other hand, overcook them and they will eventually turn to mush. Two hours seems about right, although this might give nutritionists pause. Taste for salt.
• Even people who love collards complain about the way they make the house smell while cooking. People have different cures for this: Place four pecans in the pot. Cover the top of the collards with slices of white bread. None of this works.